Love-ology

I read a book called Love-ology by John Mark Comer about a month ago and there was this line that has stuck with me ever since. It didn’t seem profound or even all that original at first, but God has reminded me of this several times in several different situations over the last month. I’m not sure what you do when God continually reminds you of something over and over again, but I guess I write newsletter articles about it.

This was the line, “the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy.” Like I said, it probably doesn’t strike you as overly profound. But after a month of processing and seeing that idea play out in so many different situations, I could write an in depth paper on it. 

Let’s start with the opposite of that statement.  To love someone or something, means that you care about that person or thing. That seems like a low standard, but let’s dig in just a little bit. If I care about someone, to some degree I will prioritize them, I will be invested in them, I will want what is best for them.  

That is different from “liking” someone. The opposite of hate isn’t to love, it is to really like. You might like someone simply because they are a nice person, they do good things, or they are interesting. But there is no investment in that person, you can think all of those things about someone from afar or even someone you have never personally met. There have been (and sometimes still are) instances where I haven’t really liked my sisters, but I have always cared about them. I’ve always been invested in them and wanted what was best for them. I’ve always loved them, but not always liked them.

The more I considered the weight of truly caring for someone, the more I realized that I had underappreciated the idea of caring for or about someone or even something.  

Now, let’s get back to the actual statement, the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. Is it worse to have someone hate me or not care about me? I have wrestled with that question a lot this month. It seems depressing, and that’s not inaccurate, but it has strangely been eye opening for  me. I would say I think it is worse to have someone not care about me. I believe people want to be seen, heard and known more than they want to be liked. As a parent, I know there are times when Lily (and eventually Jonah) don’t particularly like me, and I am comfortable with that. I would not be okay or comfortable if they didn’t love me or care about me.  

Can you imagine God not caring about you? What a hopeless place that would be. To be fair, it would not be much fun if God hated you either. This brings another piece of the puzzle in though. 1 John 4:16 says, “God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” There isn’t time here to really dissect all the nuance in that verse, but by our established definition of love, God cares about us and we are to care for people well and as a result God will be with us. Simple, right?

That’s the problem. It isn’t always easy to care about others. If it was, life wouldn’t be so messy. This is the constant reminder God has been giving me over and over again this month - I have to care about people, even the ones that are hard to love.  

Without getting too specific, there is one person in particular in my life that I am really close to, but they can be really difficult to love sometimes. In fact, sometimes I feel like they do things knowing that it will make it harder to love them. It’s tempting to say “if they don’t care, why should I” or “if they really wanted me to care they would…” But that is missing the point. I would never say that I don’t love this person, but sometimes, I just don’t act like it. Sometimes, if I’m being really honest, I don’t want to act like it.

Who is that person in your life? Who does it seem impossible to love sometimes? I want to challenge us all to care. Seemed easier 5 minutes ago, didn't it? Care about that person that is hard to love. Care about that person you don’t know who is driving 5 MPH under the speed limit. Care about that person you heard about on the news making some questionable choices. Prioritize them, be invested in them, want what is best for them. Love them.